Why You Should Fuck a Guy Who Rides the Bus
The pleasures and perils of loving a public transport user
Disclaimer : This piece is derivative of Why You Should Fuck a Writer by Broke Ass Stuart, Why You Should Fuck a Computer Geek by Bruce Bookman and other “why you should date/fuck/marry a ….” articles I’ve read so far. This is meant as a joke. Unless.. 😏
Fuck a guy who rides the bus because he can make you wet just by tapping his electronic pass. Kiss him because he can turn your boring daily commute into the journey of your lifetime. Your transit into an unforgettable ride. Grab his junk so he can turn that lonely bus stop into a lively terminal of sweat and movement. Pull off his pants because the one thing he learned from getting into a moving can of sardines on a daily basis is how to fit things in tight spaces.
Sleep with a guy who rides the bus because he is tired, but still he will be patient with you, as waiting for a bus to come is an art. Be intimate with him as he will learn and know your body, and how to pleasure it efficiently, like he knows the city and the confusing bus routes. Get it on with him as he is a better companion than the books and music he brought on his journey.
Bone a guy who gives up his hardly fought seat for a pregnant lady or an old veteran. Stare deep into his eyes, hold his hands, scratch his back or pull his hair as he makes love to you like he missed the last bus of the day.
Have sex with a guy who rides the bus because he’s good in holding weird positions. His arms and legs are strengthened by all those standing up and holding the small handle when the bus is packed and the driver suddenly stops, sends you flying into his warm embrace. He will use his one free hand to sweep you off your feet. And on to his bed. Or yours. Or a nearby hotel room. Whichever works.
Don’t fuck a car driver. Don’t fuck a motorist. Don’t fuck a cyclist. Don’t fuck someone who never take the longer route simply for the sake of enjoying a longer commute home. Fuck a guy who rides the bus because you’ll probably marry someone who owns a vehicle, someone who values privacy over daily interactions with strangers, someone who says stupid shit like “Real Men Use Two Pedals.” Those people are assholes.
Bust most of all fuck a guy who rides the bus because I really need to get laid. It’s been a while since I got some action, and I got a pack of condoms which are collecting dust. And I’m kind and sweet and fun and weird (I wrote this, didn’t I?) and just like the bus that I ride everyday, I will get you to where you need to go.
